Relocating Sh!t

This week, we talked about relocating. Would you ever move for a significant other? Before you do, what do you think of the questions we posed? If you have moved for someone, how did that turn out? Did you decide to have one big conversation beforehand or was it a series of talks?

Looking back, Marko and I could have had more conversations on the topic. I don’t regret our choices in any way but I do think that more discussion, more preparation, could have been genuinely helpful. I for one did not know of many of the things that we could have explored together. Were there any questions that really resonated with you? Did you try any of them out? Please tell us how it went. We would love to hear from you!

Worth Sh!t

This week, we talked about worth. Your own self-worth. Your worth in a relationship. The worth of the relationship itself. Have you ever done this type of work before? I did way back in elementary school after my parents announced their divorce. It was required at the time (or at least I think it was; who knows, I was very young). I remember it being very weird.

I don’t think I’ve revisited this topic since then. Looking back, I don’t remember doing this kind of work for at least a while. It wasn’t terribly uncomfortable but I wasn’t super skilled at it: how about you? What did you experience, listeners? We would love to hear from you and share in this discussion. Please call, write in, or voice record a message to us!

Cuddling Sh!t

This week, we talked about cuddling. Do we really have to discuss this at all? How is relishing in cuddling anything other than exactly what we should all do every Saturday morning for as many hours as we possibly can? Am I still alone in believing that snuggles are the absolute best part of a relationship? To me, there is nothing better than holding each other and laughing, then falling asleep again, kissing when you wake up, and doing it all over again.

We talked about a bunch of different cuddling positions on Patreon. Did you get to hear the segment? Did you know all of those options? I certainly didn’t and I’m excited to try some of them out. What do you all like to do when it comes to cuddling? Did we miss any choices that we should really try? Write in and let us know: you know I’m down for trying new things!

Nit Picking Sh!t

This week, we talked about nit-picking and what it can do to your relationship. We are all guilty of not letting things go from time to time but when do you cross the line from a casual remark to a pattern of negativity? Everyone has something or a group of somethings that are “a button” for them: shoes left in the hallway, socks on the floor, bad breath. We all have something that we can’t stand and sometimes we let our partners know in a less than supportive way.

What I find most interesting is not when a partner pushes one of our buttons—it is when a partner discovers (or installs) a new button in us! For example, when you are dating someone and have never had an issue with the way a boyfriend eats but suddenly you cannot help but point out the volume with which your man chews? Or how about when you meet a new girl and adore her but all of a sudden you discover she replaces the toilet paper on backward? Oh, how do we live with all these atrocities?

Lube Sh!t

This week, we talked about the beauty and majesty that is lube. Is there anything that humanity has achieved that is more deserving of praise than lubricants? I know we have accomplished a lot as a people: plumbing, sanitation, art, philosophy…but what can truly compare to the incredible accomplishment that is lube? It is a tribute to science and everything we are capable of overcoming as a species. I know, I know: I jest ;)

Really, though: what else is there left to celebrate? You’ve got water-based, silicone-based, oil-based…the list goes on and on. Here’s to the ingenity of humanity. God bless us, everyone! Is there nothing that humanity cannot overcome? Lube has me dancing in the streets…well, the sheets, at least ;)

Anti-LGBTQ BillSh!t

This week, we talked about the current state of the state, which is decidedly anti-queer. From the loud hate rhetoric to the bills against drag queens and trans people, this country is struggling against a very conservative voice that is seeking to exclude so many of us. It is a truly challenging time to be anything but a cisgender, white man in this country. I can honestly say that I have never been more embarrassed to be an American.

While I am decidedly left and quite liberal, I’m okay with others who do not think, approach, or feel the same way that I do. What I do not now and will never understand is being exclusionary to an entire group of people, categorically. How do you fix your mind to do that? It baffles me. To my queer community out there who is hurting right now, I am so sorry for what the political conversation and landscape look like right now. All I can do is hold hope with you, that things might improve and we all learn from this. May we never hold this space again.

Kiddos Sh!t

This week, we talked about kiddos…yes, kids. Once again ;) It is a topic that deserves to be revisited, at least for us. We still circle around this issue pretty regularly, as you know. I must admit that I envy people who know assuredly that they want children. Heck, I admire those who know that they certainly do not. Marko and I have been playing paternity ping pong for over a decade.

I liked the discussion this go round quite a bit. I liked the statistics that we shared and how queer people are more likely to adopt, particularly to adopt those who are most difficult to place. It is nice to be on the positive end of the conversation for once, right? We so rarely get to champion a cause and (quite frankly) do better than the straights. I’m not here to persuade you one way or the other on the subject of adoption or having children. I do know that I look forward to sharing one (or a few) with my husband, someday soon.

Snoring Sh!t

This week, we talked about partners who snore and how to deal with them. What a universal experience and a really shitty thing to have to deal with, right? My poor husband used to find my light snoring a comfort but as I continue to age and my heavy breathing saws more logs, he’s been more and more affected by my nocturnal noise-making. We discussed how to share the ability to respond to situations like this during the discussion.

What do you do to temper the tempest of your mate’s nostrils? Have you found something affective that we didn’t share? Have you ever broken up with someone because they snored too loudly for you? Are you in a relationship that is together all hours but in the evening because you can’t sleep in the same bed as your loved one? Write in and let us know: we’d love to hear from you!

Hot & Cold Sh!t

This week, we talked about the difference in temperatures between partners and how this can be beneficial or catastrophic. Okay, maybe not catastrophic…but who doesn’t want to kick their partner out of bed when they jab you with their icy feet, seeking warmth and propagating chaos in what was an already pleasant space?

One thing that I found very interesting about this conversation was the idea that two warm-running people could be together. What would that be like? Moreover, can two cold people be with one another? If they can, how does that work? Are they perpetually freezing and turning on the heat and fighting for blankets and such? Sounds like Hell to me—Dante’s Inferno type of icy Hell but damnation to be sure! I myself am grateful for our hold and cold partnership but what do you all think?

Staying Attractive Sh!t

This week, we talked about the importance of staying attractive for and to your partner. This conversation was very focused on the physical aspect of attraction but also included a deep nod to all the other ways that you can stay or reinvigorate attractive qualities other than your appearance. We hope that you enjoyed the (sometimes controversial) topic.

Staying physically attractive to your partner is not easy. You have to make good decisions about your diet, exercise for a little while regularly, groom yourself routinely…wait, none of that sounds actually that difficult! Is it truly too much to take care of yourself? Is maintaining health really such a challenge? Do we not deserve to be somewhat fit and pleasing to our partner? Does it lead to terrible outcomes? No? Okay, well then why shouldn’t we do it? Let us know what you think about this.

Work & Play Sh!t

This week, we talked about the joys and challenges of working with someone you are in a romantic relationship with. The conversation definitely got a little heated but our metrics show that ya’ll like it when we fight on the air ;) We also covered a lot of good guidance from research we found online. What do you think—is it advisable to be employed where your partner is? Is it even possible to start a business and wear a suit with the person who sees your birthday suit all the time?

Marko and I have definitely seen this issue evolve for us over the years. The podcast has been a vehicle for a lot of conversations and it could have very easily led to disaster; however, I think it is thriving and we are learning more each season. More about what you want; more about how we give it to you; more about what we enjoy creatively; and more about how we work together without killing each other!

Unthankful Sh!t

This year for Thanksgiving, we decided to do something that wasn’t cliche. We spent the episode talking about all of the things that we are NOT thankful for. A few items were accidentally left off the list. Like…guys with accents without anything else interesting about them who still captivate us. Or people who insist on going to dinner in large groups, ordering more than everyone else, and then think its okay to split the check evenly. Can definitely do without those.

This time, when you are sitting around the table with your loud family or having an intimate meal with close friends, rather than share what you are grateful for, why don’t you take a crack at what we did? Share with everyone what you didn’t enjoy about the past twelve months! What are you unthankful for this year? What can you absolutely do without for the holiday season? We would love to hear from you. Write or voice memo us and let the comments fly!

Not My Parents Sh!t

This week, we talked (briefly) about the good things and (much longer) about the bad things we inherited from our parents and how they present themselves within our relationships. Marko did an amazing job by reminding us that we can focus on the good; he started the conversation by having us list all the positive things we are proud of that we learned from our parents. What are yours?

The skill this week was concrete and helped guide us toward healing and closure. There is a way that we can move beyond what we have been handed by life. You just have to do the work, right? How did this week’s topic affect you? Do you feel more empowered to take charge of your future and let go of your past? Let us know. We’d love to hear from you!

Passing Gas Sh!t

Can I just make this post a series of onomatopoeic fart jokes? Yes? …no? OK ;)

This week, we talked about passing gas in front of each other. If you are a long-time listener, you know where Marko and I stand (errr….sit) on this issue. We very quickly began leaving the bathroom door open while doing our business. We did not, though, fart in front of each other. In fact, the first time I passed gas in front of Marko, I was startled and sure that he was going to leave me. Thankfully, he did not!

What do you all think about this? Are you completely turned off when the person you are dating passes gas? Or are you more laid back about this particular back door stuff? Let us know your thoughts on the subject! Go ahead with the comments: let one fly!

Vows Sh!t

This week, we talked about the tradition of vows and how we personally prefer to write our own vows, rather than read off some old ones. But how new are our vows? Even if we opt to optimize the language and contemplate making contemporary the words that will writ us into wedded bliss, still our minds give us some pause when it comes to the words that will mark out matrimony, right?

When it comes to making vows, we went the route of writing our own. Nothing wrong or right about that: just how we chose to do things. How do you see your wedding going? Will you write your own vows? Will you stand on tradition and go a less edited route? Do you even believe in marriage at all? We would love to read your thoughts…and a blog is the only place one can do that ;) Write us and let us know what you think and feel, please!

Supportive Sh!t

This week, we talked about what being supportive in a relationship really looks like. Mind you, the measure is whether your partner would say they feel supported, not your estimation of your own performance. That, dear listeners, may rub you the wrong way but it is still what’s right ;)

We all rank ourselves and our performance as at least slightly greater than what someone else might score. The real measure, though, has to come from the lived experience of others. We’ve got to listen to the voice of the one(s) we are trying to serve in order to truly know if we have been successful. That is true in business and it is even truer in the rest of life. Take the plunge: ask your partner, on a scale of one to ten, how supported they feel by you. If you don’t like the answer, know that the podcast will be here to help you develop the skills you need to be thought of as a supportive person.

Scheduling Intimacy Sh!t

This week, we talked about an oft-maligned topic: planning a calendar for sex. As we explored the topic, though, we realized that it is actually not about penning in time to fuck—rather, it is about dedicating time to build a space where intimacy can thrive. And though the concept is marred by social judgement, it actually totally makes sense when you think about it.

As we said on the show, you put controls in space to ensure you are successful with your goals at work. So why not apply the same ‘hard stops’ to your…hard stops ;) It makes sense to carve out a little while to ensure that what is important to you—connecting to your partner, showing each other how much you matter to one another, giving of your vulnerabilities…show your love that they matter to you and that you want to connect with them! What is wrong with that? What do you think, listeners? Is it weird to lock in a time to be close to your romantic partner?

Blue Balls Sh!t

This week, we talked about whether blue balls are a real thing or not. Spoiler alert: they are! There is even a medical term for them. It is epididymal hypertension and the symptoms are scrotal pain or a feeling of heaviness after sustained sexual arousal without orgasm and ejaculation. The truth, though, is that it is not as painful as some may make it out to be. In fact, blue balls have often been used to manipulate someone into having sex with you. Not cool.

We all need to be responsible for respecting our partners. We need the standard to be continuous, enthusiastic consent for sexual activities, not abusive coercion. And that is exactly what bullying or blaming someone for your lack of sexual gratification is: it is preying on someone’s sympathy and weaponizing your biology against them. Cut it out. Just go jerk off and let that be that. What do you all think? Is this a soapbox that we can all stand on or am I way off base here?

First Sight Sh!t

This week, we talked about whether love, at first sight, is actually a thing. Spoiler alert: Tony (the eternal romantic) believes that it is and Marko (not immediately identified as a romantic) is less than ready to lend his energy to supporting this concept. He might even have stated numerous things that do not show an immediate generation of this concept as a real thing he can get behind. I mean…who knew?!!

All joking aside: we both argue that the idea of ‘love at first sight’ may not be love, per se. It could be a wonderful warning that goes off when we are near enough to someone who could tear down our barriers. Or it might be an alert that assuages our assembly of alarms. Regardless of what you believe, it is an internal mechanism that deserves our time and attention. It might not be love but it is definitely a thing worth listening to while you learn more about the other person and, possibly, fall in love. We both believe that you should give credence to whatever attention-drawing is happening and let it run its full course: you will be glad that you did!

Past & Present Sh!t

This week, we talked about ways in which your past relationships can affect your current one. Not just previous romantic relationships, either: we touch on the schema that may have been developed by your childhood relationship with primary caregivers, the patterns that were downloaded to your perception through your experiences in this world, and the ways in which your unresolved issues may play out again and again if you don’t do the work. The work, of course, being therapy.

As you all know, we are huge proponents of individual and couples therapy here on the show. If you listened to the episode, you heard not only how our guest is dealing with the ways in which his past relationship is presenting obstacles to his current one but you heard (perhaps not for the first time) the way that Marko’s and my previous relationships affect our marriage. We share all of this with you because we want you to know that it is a phenomenon that we can all relate to. It is part of being human and relating to another one. Don’t let your past ruin your present…or your future. Get some help. Work through your issues. And become a brighter, fuller person!